Aasma

I graduated with a Master's degree from one of the most prestigious universities in the US and found a very skilled and high-paying job during one of the toughest times in the economy. I moved to a town in the Midwest, excited to start my new and independent life, eager to do well in my career.

I've always been a feminist and a rebel and not let anyone tell me what I can or cannot do and held people to high standards. Trying to find my place in the community, I made some friends who were from other parts of India. I started dating one of them and I thought that we were very alike, progressive and indifferent to differences in our culture.

Soon, I started to hear about how South Indians and our languages aren't as developed as the North and what we lack in several ways. I would fight back but often he made me look like an emotional, blithering idiot. He said I'd made a fool of myself and that's not how people behave in such situations. He would make me feel sorry for my behavior.

My other friends were amused by our relationship and wouldn't take sides but they would clearly talk about us behind our backs. He would blame me for not noticing things like people's behavior, not being a good cook, being too emotional, being too naïve, being too "girly", being too south Indian and the list goes on. He would gaslight me into believing that I judged a situation wrongly and reacted stupidly even though, looking back, I know I was right.

In a place where you have limited emotional support, it is hard to identify a toxic relationship and leave. My friends chose not to intervene and some disrespected me because of my choice to date him.

Two years passed before a new friend I made suggested that I rethink my relationship with my boyfriend and consider leaving. I took that advice and with a lot of difficulty, left that relationship behind. Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I was stuck in that relationship forever and it scares me. We don't realize that we're stuck in a single room out of a 1000 and that we just need to leave this room and open another one to see that we had settled for something we don't deserve.